


The Woman in the Painting

by MovieWocher



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Clexa, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-12 09:53:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7097848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MovieWocher/pseuds/MovieWocher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa remembers everything that happened, the problem with Arkadia and their new leader, her being shot by Titus, and looking at Clarke as she cried out to her, telling her not to die. Waking up in new surroundings, she has to figure out how to return back home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Waking Up

**The Woman in the Painting**

Lexa opened her eyes. She quickly clutched at her stomach, expecting blood to gush out. But as she looked down, she only saw a pink dress with duckies all over. That was weird, she thought. But before she can process that, she remembered Clarke, crying for her. Raising herself on her elbows to look for her, Lexa’s eyes widened in surprise. She wasn’t in her room. She wasn’t even in Polis. She was in a pink bedroom with flowers. All around her were dolls, toys and fluffy things. Her years of trainings taught her to be calm in a strange place. So she noiselessly stood up from the bed and quietly walked around the room, examining the objects around her and looking for a weapon. She was nearly halfway, when she passed a small window. She let out a small gasp as she saw a small girl do the same.

“It’s okay.” Lexa whispered to the girl.

The girl mouthed the same words back at her.

Then they both raised their hands to their mouth, signaling each other to be quiet.

Something seems odd about the girl, thought Lexa. She gingerly reached out for the girl as the girl did the same. As the distance lessened, Lexa felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. Even before she touched the cold glass, she knew it was a mirror. She was the little girl. That was when she started screaming.

In no time, a worried-looking woman came running in the room and immediately hugged her.  

“It’s okay Lexa.” She said as she rubbed her back.

“No!” Lexa cried out as she tried to escape from the woman’s grasp.

“It’s okay. It’s only a dream honey. You’re fine. ”

“Clarke,” Lexa wailed as she twisted around, trying to escape.

“Honey, it’s fine.” The woman soothingly cooed at her. “You are not shot, you are not bleeding to death, you did not leave your people to die, and you did certainly did not leave Clark alone. It’s all a dream.” Then she carried Lexa back to her bed and laid down next to her.

Lexa continued to cry as she felt the woman hugging her tightly. After what seemed like a long time, Lexa felt herself drifting back to sleep. But then the door opening, brought her back to her surroundings. She willed her body to not respond and concentrated on listening.

“What happened?” A man’s voice broke the silence.

“She had another dream.” The woman answered.

“Not again.” The man sighed deeply. “Maybe we should take her back to the therapist.”

“No.” The woman answered sharply. “Remember what she said last time. If this continues, then they’ll need to run more test on her and they’ll keep her there. I don’t want to lose our baby.”

“What if we have no choice?”

Lexa now fully awake, laid as still as she can, trying to control her breathing.

“Let’s not discuss this here.” The woman whispered furiously as she gently disengaged herself from Lexa.

After a few seconds, Lexa felt the bed lighten and the door close. She opened her eyes and stood up. She walked towards the mirror once again. She stared at the little girl in front of her. Whatever this is, wherever she is, she needs to survive. So if she has to play house, that’s what she’ll do. If she has to play the nice dutiful daughter, that’s what she’ll be. One day, she’ll find her way back to Clarke.

**To be continued**


	2. Meeting Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little baby girl Lexa grew up suppressing her memories. Would an encounter with Clarke help her get back on track?

Quickly Lexa has adapted to her new life. She learned that life in this new world was very much different from what she was used to. Everything was given to her. She didn’t have to fight anyone unless she wanted to. She didn’t have to learn about history and warfare as if her life and everyone else’s life depended on it. Even the punishments she got when they deemed her being bad were not really punishment. How can staring at wall be called a punishment?

And as the years passed, the memories she remembered were becoming dimmer and dimmer, punctuated by dreams every now and then. But it came to the point that when she woke up sweating and delirious with memories of Lexa, the Commander, she’d explain it to herself that it was all her imagination or maybe a show that she once watched or a book she once read. The promise she made long forgotten.

And so it goes, Lexa grew up and forgot about the commander. And why wouldn’t she? It was only a dream. She grew up to be very soft spoken, wanting to stay behind the scenes, engrossed in science. That is how she found herself at twenty four working as a lab technician and moving in with her cousin to be near her workplace.

“Are you sure you’re fine with me moving here, Anya?” Lexa asked for the 10th time that day.

“I was the one who invited you to come live with me.” Anya answered as she placed two glasses of wine between them. “And besides, I don’t like the house being empty especially when I’m on business trips which I like it or not is a lot. And so little cousin, you can party your heart out here when I’m gone as long as you fix up the place afterwards.”  

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that.” Lexa said with a shrug.

“What?”

“I don’t.” Lexa continued as she saw noticed Anya looking at her in disbelief. “I don’t party. I’m just happy being all alone, drinking tea and reading my magazines.”

“We have to do something about that.” Anya said with a laugh. “You have got to meet our neighbor. She is exactly your opposite. Maybe the two of you mixing it up will balance each other.”

“I don’t know.”

“Come on. It’ll be fun. And it is your first night here, so we have to celebrate.” Anya said as she pulled Lexa towards the door.

Lexa allowed herself to be dragged to the door directly opposite their apartment. Anya rang the bell and did not lift her finger from the ringer until the door opened after a minute. A blonde girl peeked out wearing only a towel.

“Anya, what did I tell you about doorbells?” The girl asked as she frowned at Anya.

“You only ring them once… yada yada yada.” Anya rang the bell one more time as she made a face at the girl, then pushed the door open and went inside, immediately sitting on the couch a few steps away, putting her feet on the table. The girl just shook her head in response, a smirk appearing on her face.

The girl was about to close the door when she noticed Lexa standing awkwardly, staring at her wide eyed outside the door. “Are you coming in?” She asked with a grin.

“Oh by the way, that is my cousin Lexa. She’s moving in with me.” Anya spoke up as she shuffled through a magazine, not bothering to look at them.

“Yea, what she said.” Lexa said as she walked in the door, side stepping around the girl to avoid touching her.  

The girl looked at Lexa with an amused expression as she saw her tried her very best to avoid her. “Make yourself comfortable. I’ll be ready in ten.” The girl said as she closed the door and then withdrew to another bedroom.

Lexa sat stiffly beside Anya.

“Are you okay?” Anya asked when she finally looked at Lexa.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Lexa answered as she tried to smile at her cousin.

“Clarke is a painter.” Anya said as she pointed at the corner of the room where there was an easel with a half completed painting. Along side the easel were several paintings leaning on the wall.  

Lexa stood up and peered closely at each paintings.

“Like them?” The husky voice of the blonde asked as she suddenly appeared directly behind Lexa with seemingly no concept of personal space. Lexa jumped in surprise. The blonde laughed at her.

“Are you sure she is your cousin, Anya?” Clarke teased as she sat down beside Anya.

“Ha ha.” Anya said as she faced Clarke. “Maybe you can learn a thing or two from her.”

“Oh, come on” Clarke said as she wrapped her arms around Anya and leaned on her. “I know you love me just the way I am.”

Lexa turned her back and stared at the paintings once again. They were oddly dark and brooding. Oddly because of the contrast with the girl, Clarke’s attitude.   

After a while, the trio left and went to a bar for drinks. Anya and Clarke spent a lot of time talking and laughing. Lexa tried to follow their conversation but gave up after an hour. She contented herself with drinking and looking around the place and occasionally trying to participate in the drunken discussion between the two. She couldn’t help but notice that Clarke kept on staring at her as the night progressed.

That night as Lexa prepared for bed, she thought about the new girl she met. The moment she saw Clarke, something clicked in her mind but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. She was trying to think if she saw her before but nothing came to mind. But she still couldn’t shake the feeling that she knew her.  Sighing, she closed her eyes and forced herself to fall asleep.  

“Heda, this is a waste of time. Why bother talking to their leader? Let’s just kill them all now.”

“Patience, Indra. We will all have our blood soon.” Lexa answered calmly. “But I am interested in what they think they can offer us.”

“They will probably just lie. People who are about to die will say just about anything.”

“Be as it may, another few hours wouldn’t matter.”

One of the messengers opened the flap of the tent, disrupting their conversation. “Heda. The woman from Skaikru will be here in a few minutes.”

Lexa nodded her head in acknowledgement. She then took out her knife and proceeded to sit down at her throne. She put her warrior face on and started twirling the knife against the arm rest. As she was taught years ago and has confirmed to be true, the earlier you put the fear in people, the better. Clarke of Skaikru will not be treated differently.

The flap opened again and a blonde woman stepped in.  

Lexa woke up with a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any feedback is good. Do you like where this is heading? Is there something you'd like to see?


	3. Getting to Know Each Other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa remembered Clarke... sort of. How will this play into their friendship? Will it be rainbows and butterflies? Or in true to life fashion, full of betrayals and unrequited feelings.

Lexa woke up with a start. Clarke the neighbor was the Clarke from her dreams. That was why she looked so familiar. Although it has been ages since she last dreamt of the Commander and she has forgotten a lot of them, she knew for certain that face has haunted her when she was younger. It was not a face that she just saw yesterday for the first time.

Rising from the bed, Lexa walked out to the living room. She sat on the sofa and stared at the front door that led to Clarke’s apartment. Who was this Clarke in real life?  Who was this Clarke from her dreams?

That morning, Anya found Lexa asleep on the sofa. She ruffled the girl’s hair as she passed by. Lexa awakened by the movement, groggily sat up.

“What time is it?” Lexa asked as she stretched.

“It’s about 9:30.” Anya said as she turned on the coffee machine.

Lexa’s eyes widened in horror. “Oh no, I’m going to be late.” She stood up and raced to her room, almost stumbling over the furniture.   

“Lexa?” Anya called out.

Lexa whirled around just before closing her door. “What?”

“You do know that it’s a Sunday, right?”

“Oh.” Feeling a little bit embarrassed, Lexa went back to the living room and sat back down.

After a few minutes, Anya sat down beside Lexa and handed her a cup of coffee.

“Thanks.” Lexa muttered before taking a sip.

“You were quiet last night. Did Clarke overwhelm you?”

“What?” Lexa laughed nervously. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Cause she’s like that, a little bit in your face. But she’s really sweet, and nice, and funny once you get to know her.”

“I don’t mind. She’s your friend, not mine.”

“I want the two of you to get along.”

“Anya, I’m not the little kid you need to look out for anymore. You don’t need me to assign me a nanny when you’re not here.”

“Who is talking about a nanny? I do know your type.” Anya teased.

Lexa coughed up her coffee. Anya just watched her with a bemused smile during her coughing fit.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Lexa stammered as she wiped her mouth on her sleeves, her face multiple shares of red.

“You take your time sweetheart.” Anya said as she gently rubbed Lexa’s arm.    

The next few days went by smoothly and quietly. Lexa went to the lab early and got back home late. She barely saw Anya and communicated mostly via text and post it notes. On Thursday night, she was surprised when she found Anya packing.

“Hey there.” Anya said when she noticed Lexa standing by the door.

“Where are you to?” Lexa said as she came in and sat by the bed.

“Chicago. Big crisis. Boss told me to go tomorrow morning. I might be there for a week.”

“Oh.” Lexa frowned at the news as she looked around the room.

“Can you do me a favor?”

“Sure.” Lexa answered automatically.

“I sort of promised Clarke that I’ll go with her to this art thing tomorrow night. Seeing that I can’t, can you?” Anya asked.

“Not that again.” Lexa sighed.

“It’s not a setup.” Anya raised her hands in innocence. “It’s just that she really wanted to go.”

“Doesn’t she have other friends?”

“Well, it’s kindda late to find someone else. Friday night, I’m sure people have plans already.”

“Except for me.”

“You did say that you don’t like parties. So I assumed you’ll be free.”

“Fine. I’ll go.”

“You’re the best.” Anya said as she blew Lexa a kiss.

Lexa stood up and was about to exit the room, when she suddenly stopped and paused for a second. She them looked over her shoulder to her cousin. “Anya, just because I’m gay doesn’t mean that I’ll like every girl I’ll see.

“I knew it.” Anya laughed as she stood up and went over to hug Lexa.

“Don’t tell mum. She doesn’t know.”

“Don’t worry, when it’s time, you’ll be the one who’ll tell your mum, not me.” Anya said as she released her from her hug. “And remember, here you don’t have to be anyone other than yourself.”

Anya smiled at Lexa once more before enveloping her in another hug. 

On Friday night, Lexa went home a bit later than planned so she was still in the shower when she heard Clarke knocked on the door.

“Anya, open up.”  Clarke shouted as she banged on the door.

Lexa turned off the shower, wrapped herself in a towel, and hurried to the door.

“Clarke,” Lexa said as she opened the door to let Clarke in. “Come in.”

Lexa did not fail to notice Clarke’s eyes as it quickly traversed over her body appreciatively for a quick second.

“Thanks.” Clarke said as she went directly to Anya’s room. “Where’s Anya?”

“She didn’t tell you?” Lexa asked puzzled.

“What was she supposed to tell me?” Clarke asked back as she went out of Anya’s room.

“She had to fly to Chicago this morning. She asked me to go with you instead.”

For a brief moment, annoyance passed over Clarke’s face before she tried to cover it up with a grin. “Oh okay. She was trying to call me earlier but I was unable to answer.”

“You know what, it’s okay. I don’t need to come.” Lexa said as she wrung her hands awkwardly. “I thought Anya talked to this about you.”

“No, no! I was just surprised but I’d love for you to come with me.” Clarke said as she smiled widely at Lexa, trying to convince her.  “Come on, it’s gonna be fun. There will be naked dudes and dudettes on stone.”

Lexa wasn’t able to stop the smile that unwittingly came out. “Okay fine, I’ll go.  Let me just get dressed.”

Inspite of herself, Lexa did have a good time in the gallery. Clarke patiently explained the artwork to her and answered her questions and occasionally laughing at her. After three hours, they headed out of the gallery.  

“Glad you came?” Clarke asked as they walked out.

“Yeah. Especially for the naked dudes and dudettes.”

Clarke burst out laughing.

“But seriously, I loved the paintings of the forest. There’s something about it that makes me feel calm.”

“They are pretty good.” Clarke agreed.

They walked in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Clarke turned around and started walking backwards.

“I have an idea.” 

“What is it?” Lexa asked.

“You, me, a bottle of wine. I’ll show you my paintings.”

“I don’t know.” Lexa hesitated. “I have stuff ----“

Clarke cut off Lexa with a slightly embarrassed laugh. “That’s fine. Maybe another time.”

“Yeah, another time.” Lexa echoed. Although it was what she wanted, she was a bit muffled that Clarke gave in very quickly.

After another few minutes of walking in now awkward silence, Clarke spoke up again. “Got some friends on the other side of town. I think I’ll head on over there.”

“Sure.”

“Thanks for coming with me. I had fun.” Clarke said as she stopped walking near a pedestrian lane.

“Me too. I’ll see you later.”

Clarke nodded in response and then she was off.

Lexa watched as Clarke crossed the street for a minute before heading back to the apartment. With her hands burrowed deeply in her pockets and her shoulder slightly hunched, she thought of how the night started off great but ended like a wreck. Disappointing Clarke somehow felt very familiar.   


	4. Party Girl Clarke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke drinks a little too much. Is that how she really is? Or is she compensating for something deeper? How does Lexa react to this side of Clarke?

“What’s up with you? You’ve been uncharacteristically quiet and grumpy tonight.” Raven asked Clarke as she handed her beer number nine.

“It’s nothing. Just some girl I met a week ago who bummed me out today.”

“Well just forget about her. Easy peasy. There are a lot of girl and boy fishes in the sea.”

"I know. It's just that..." Clarke hesitated to continue.

"What?" Raven asked after she emptied her bottle.

"No one has turned me down yet in the last three years. I intend to make that record last a bit longer." Clarke answered grumpily.

"Ahhh..." Raven exclaimed knowingly. "So this is about that ego of yours?"

"Come on. Look at me, I'm a babe. Who would turn me down?" Clarke asked as she pointed at her tits.

Raven let out a laugh. "It's just a girl. Who cares?" Raven said as she tried to pull Clarke off the chair. "Let's dance."

"Not in the mood." Clarke answered as she sat unmoving.

"Suit yourself." Raven's patience ran out easily when she a bit drunk.

"It's Anya's cousin." 

"Oh." Raven froze, then walked backwards and sat back down.

"I think it's her family's mission to reject and frustrate me." Clarke took a long sip.

"Well to be fair, Anya is not into girls. Technically she doesn't count."

"Don't I know it." Clarke scoffed.

"And this cousin of hers?"

"Pinging like crazy. And she hasn't talked about boys one bit."

"But you're not sure?"

"Of course, I'm not sure." Clarke said with exasperation. 

"Well, there's only one way to be sure and maybe to shut you up. That is if you are not a chicken." Raven made clucking noises and flapped her arms.

"Is that a challenge?"

"Through and through."

"Challenge accepted." And with a handshake, Clarke stood up and put on her jacket inside out. 

"Where you going?"

"I'm starting tonight." Clarke said with determination.

"It's almost one." Raven shouted after her. 

"So much the better." Clarke grabbed a wine bottle as she passed by the kitchen on her way out.

After an hour, a drunk Clarke pounded on Anya's and Lexa's door. A sleepy Lexa with large horn rimmed glasses opened the door. The image of Clarke smiling flirtily at her woke her up a bit. 

"Clarke?" 

"Lexa! What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?"

"Sleeping."

Clarke laughed hysterically.

"It's not really funny. I am at my apartment." 

"But it is." Clarke said as she pushed the door open and entered the apartment. "And you are pretty." 

"You are drunk." Lexa simply said. "Maybe you should go home." She then remembered what Anya told her. Clarke sometimes party a little bit too hard and that she’ll say things that she won’t remember in the morning. The best way to handle her is to talk to her like a child and lead her to bed.

"No... Clarkie wants to play."

"Come on. I'll lead you to your apartment. We can play tomorrow." Lexa talked slowly as if speaking to a belligerent child. She gently guided Clarke towards her apartment and grabbed the extra key that Anya told her to use for emergencies. She thought this qualified as one.

“Clarkie wants to play with Lexie.”

A small smile escaped from Lexa. “Okay. Clarkie and Lexie will play tomorrow.” Lexa opened the apartment door.

“No! Now!”

“After a nap.” Lexa said sternly as she put Clarke to bed.

“Promise?” Clarke asked as her eyes struggled to stay open.

“Promise.” Lexa watched as Clarke eventually fell asleep. Satisfied, she was about to exit the bedroom when she saw the paintings that were stacked besides the wall from the corner of her eyes. These were a bit different from the ones in the living room. She kneeled down to look at them more closely.

The first painting was of people falling down from the sky. Their faces showed fear and uncertainty. The second looks like a campfire party. The next one showed a man tied to a tree. Lexa kept flipping, watching as a story unfolded from the paintings, her heart beating faster with each one. Then she stopped at the last painting. There was a woman whose back is against the painting and a girl that looks like a roughed up version of Clarke staring at her, trying to look tough but you can see fear in her eyes. They look to be in a tent surrounded by other people. Indra, Gustus, the names floated in Lexa’s mind. The woman whose back is turned sat by a throne and seems to be playing with a knife. The Commander.

Lexa gasped in surprise. How is it possible that her dreams were made flesh in these paintings? As she sat back, she began to remember.


	5. Recognition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With her memories back, Lexa wanted to get back to Polis. Does Clark feel the same way? Does Clarke even remember her? She has to, right? She did put their lives in canvas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one guys, hope you enjoy this saga. Feedback always warmly welcomed. Hit me up with comments, if you want.

Lexa raised her shirt and stared at the birthmark on her stomach. It’s always been there and now she knows why. But why is she here? Is this the afterlife? And why is Clarke here? Was she also dead? The thought woke up something fierce and protective within her. She looked over to where Clarke was sleeping. In one quick movement, she was up on her feet. When she stood, it was no longer with the timidness that she has often carried but it was with the regal bearing of a leader who has led the coalition of 12 clans.

In a quick few steps, she was by Clarke’s side. Lightly shaking her, Lexa tried to wake up Clarke.

“Clarke, Clarke.”

Clarke opened her eyes slightly. “Still sleeping.” She said as she turned her back against Lexa.

“Wake up.”

“No… leave me alone.” Clarke mumbled in reply.

“Clarke, we have to find out where we are. We have to go back to our people.” Lexa’s tone was firm and insistent.

Clarke did not move.

Giving up, Lexa stood up and sat back on the floor. She watched Clarke sleep.

The next morning, Clarke woke up with a headache as sunlight filtered through her room. Moaning, she tried to bury deeper within her blanket. As she was about to close her eyes, she saw a leg on her floor. With a shriek, she jumped up to her bed and grabbed her lampshade, pulling it from its socket.

Lexa who was asleep on the floor woke up with the noise. She looked as surprised as Clarke was. She can remember the times when she can stay up all night to watch over her. Apparently the new her, cannot.

Recognizing Lexa, Clarke put down the lampshade in relief. Then she extended her hand to Lexa to help her up. “What the hell are you doing on my floor?”

“Sleeping.” Lexa answered.

“I see that. I mean why are you sleeping here instead of in your apartment?”

Something about Clarke’s tone told Lexa that she doesn’t know and remember their life together. “Oh, you were so drunk yesterday, I wasn’t sure if you were okay or not. So I stayed.” She explained. It was half true anyway.  

Instead of creeping her out, the idea of Lexa watching over brought a slight thrill to Clarke. “Oh… Come on, I’ll make coffee.”

Lexa followed Clarke into the kitchen. She sat down on one of the stools and watched Clarke moved around.

“So did I do something embarrassing last night?”

“Well you did say that Clarkie wanting to play with Lexie.” Lexa teased.

“Did I say that?” Clarke turned her back against Lexa as she felt her face flush in embarrassment. Clarke hardly remembers her drunken escapades, but hearing Lexa speak brought back the memories from last night. She remembered talking to Raven, she remembered knocking on Lexa’s door, she remembered calling her pretty.

“Oh yeah.”

“I do say a lot of crazy things when I’m drunk. Just ignore them.” Clarke added an awkward laugh as she handed a cup of coffee to Lexa.

“So you don’t think I’m pretty?”  Lexa didn’t think it was possible for Clarke to get redder, but she did. “Maybe you can tell me about your paintings sometime?” Lexa changed the topic.

“Yea sure. I’ll …”

“Maybe tonight?”

Clarke just nodded.

Lexa stood up and walked to the front door. “I’ll see you later.” She added before closing the door behind her.

Clarke never gets flustered but there was something about that girl. She has only known her for a week but she making her feel all tingly inside.

“But it’s wrong.” She muttered as she walked back inside her bedroom. She saw the paintings slightly out of order and she worriedly rushed to them. She sighed with relief when she saw that they were not damaged.

She laid back on her bed, staring at the ceiling. When she was kid, she was always doodling and drawing something before she can even talk. It started with princesses and unicorns and flowers. But before she completed her drawings, she’d always add one figure. A woman in dark clothing with long hair, with her back against the painting, always just her back. She was around fifteen when the word Heda popped in her head as she was staring at the woman in her painting. She doesn’t know what it meant and but from then on called that woman, Heda. Of course now that she’s older and is painting for a living, she knows she can’t always add her in her paintings, but she was never far away from her thoughts when she painted. She knew she had to find her. She refused to believe that the woman was only in her imagination and as a result all her relationships were short lived.  Many times, she tried to look for her but discovered the world can be such a big place. So she settled down for now, saving for when it’s time to go and search for her again. It wasn’t an easy decision but she discovered that when she’s drinking, she can sometimes forget the woman. Yesterday was a bit different, she recalled now. She didn’t drink because of Heda. She drank because Lexa turned her down.

“There is only person for me and it is Heda.” She said with failing conviction.

 

***

Lexa felt lost in her surroundings. It was still her, the nerdy and quiet girl who loves Science. But she was also the Commander who made decisions every day to choose who lives and who dies. What was she supposed to do with this knowledge especially when she was the only one who can remember?

“But it’s not true.” She said out loud. She can still picture Clarke’s paintings. There was no way that she doesn’t know. Maybe she just needed a little help. A plan started formulating in Lexa’s mind.  

That night, she knocked on Clarke’s door.

Clarke looked at her curiously when she saw Lexa decked out all in black, with her hair braided. “You look a bit different.”

“I used to dress like this before.”

“Looks good.” Clarke said as closed the door behind them. “I dig that goth style.”

“Goth…” Lexa sighed to herself as she sat down. Not exactly the reaction she was hoping for. “Oh look, I brought you something.” She said as she rummaged through her bad. She handed the object to Clark with a smile.

“Oh…” Clarke exclaimed as she accepted the gift. “A candle… Dreamy Summer Nights”

“Yeah. It smells like the forest. You should try and light it up.” She added casually. “Here I have matches.”

“Okay.” Clarke agreed with a grin as she watched Lexa struck one of the matches and lit up the candle. “It smells good.” She said as she placed it on the table.

“Another thing,” Lexa rummaged through her bag once again. “I brought some DVDs that we can watch.” She laid them down next to the candle.

“Hmm…” Clarke murmured as she scanned the titles. “Mad Max, Waterworld, Terminator. Aliens, Space Odyssey, Apollo 13. ”

“Yes. I really love post-apocalyptic movies and movies about space.”

“Interesting stuff. Maybe we can play them later.”

“Do these things remind you of something?” Lexa asked unable to stop herself.

“Lexa, you don’t need to try too hard.” Clarke said as she moved closer to Lexa.

Lexa looked at her expectantly.

“I’m into you as well.” Clarke added with a flirty smile.

Lexa didn’t quite know how to react. A part of her got excited. It wasn’t what she was hoping for but maybe their people can wait a little bit longer. “Is that so?” She asked as she closed the distance between them.

“I didn’t think you would be this forward.” Clarke whispered in her ears.

Lexa blinked, remembering herself. With a pained look, she backed away from Clarke. This is not part of her plan.

“What’s the matter?” Clarke asked with a slight frown unable to hide the disappointment from her voice. Seems like she can’t figure out the girl.

“I thought we’ll be looking at your paintings.” Lexa said as she stood up.

Wordlessly, Clarke opened the door to the second bedroom.

Lexa looked at the room in astonishment and then at Clarke.

“What can I say, I am prolific painter.” Clarke said with a shrug.

Hesitantly, Lexa entered the room which contained atleast a hundred paintings. If the last painting she saw earlier that morning was that of when she first met Clarke, the paintings around her were what happened afterwards. She looked at each painting closely, recalling the events when they happened. And for whatever reason any painting that should contain her, had a woman that has her back turned from the painting.   

“I do paint other stuff.” Clarke interrupted her thoughts. “But this is what I paint for myself.”

“I feel like you are telling a story with these paintings.”

“That’s very insightful.” Clarke pointed to the painting that was still on the easel in the corner of the room. “I just finished that one.”

Lexa walked over to the painting. There were four figures walking away, all with their backs turned. Three men and one woman. This one Lexa remembered vividly. This was the night when she made a deal with the mountain men, the night she turned her back on Clarke. She still felt the guilt coursing through her veins.

Clarke looked at Lexa looking at the painting. With her back turned, Lexa looked like the woman in her painting. Then it all clicked. As recognition dawned on her, Clarke let out a gasp. “You’re her.”


	6. Trip Back Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Is that why you came here, Clarke? For your people?” Lexa asked as she finally faced Clarke.
> 
> “I came here for you.”
> 
> “You want me to die.”
> 
> “I want you to live.”

Clarke let out a gasp. “You’re her.”

Lexa turned slowly, heart beating a little too quickly.

“Heda.” Clarke whispered and then promptly crumpled down to the floor.

Lexa rushed towards Clarke. Shen half carried, half dragged her to the couch in the living room. “Clarke, are you alright?”

Clarke doubled over as she clutched her head in pain, moaning.

Lexa stood helplessly over her. “Tell me what to do.”

“Lexa…” Clarke whispered weakly as she brought one of her hands to Lexa’s arm and pulled her closer. “I remember everything.”

**In Polis**

“What do you mean there’s nothing else you can do?” Clarke yelled in frustration as she paced around the tent. “Wake her up.”

“Clarke, we did everything we can. We pulled out the bullet, we stopped the bleeding. She’s no longer in critical condition.” Abby patiently answered as she looked down at Lexa’s pale and unmoving figure.

“Then why won’t she wake up? It’s been days.”

“The loss of blood may have been too much ----.”

“Wanheda.” Indra called Clark’s attention as she entered the tent. “The healer I was telling you about has arrived.”

“Let him in.”

An old Indian man entered holding a staff. He walked directly to Lexa. Then without saying a word, he took out a bunch of twigs tied together and lit them up. Chanting, he limped around the bed three times before stopping and then placing his hand on Lexa’s forehead. After a minute, he gestured for Indra to come nearer.

In Trigedasleng, he spoke to her rapidly and several times looked and pointed at Clarke. After Indra nodded, he sat down on one of the chairs.

“What did he say?” Clarke asked Indra.

“The healer said that Heda has suffered a great trauma. Her body is almost gone but she refused to die.”

“Lexa? No… she was always ready to die. She looked at peace when she ---.”

“Heda does not show weakness. You should know that by now.” Indra interrupted Clarke curtly.

Clarke chastised, nodded for Indra to continue.

“To survive, she has gone deep in her mind and is now trapped there. She doesn’t remember who she is. You have to go and get here.”

“How can Clarke do that?” Abby spoke up.

“The healer has a potion that he can give to Wanheda. It will link the both of them. Once inside, Wanheda needs to look for the Commander and convince her to die.”

“Die?” Clarke asked as she looked at Indra and at the old man. “Isn’t that what we are trying to avoid.”

“Dying in that world is the only way to get out… for both of you. But there is one problem.”

“Which is what?”

“When you get there, you won’t remember as well. You can get trapped in there with her.”

“How can that help her then?” Clarke voicing out her frustration once more.

“If your bond is strong then you will remember. So tell me Clarke kom Skaikru, do you think you can handle this?”

“Yes.” Clarke did not even hesitate.

“No.” Abby spoke up, walking over to face her daughter. “Clarke, you’re not going to drink some potion that we don’t even know if its poisonous or not.”

“It’s the only way, Mom. We tried everything and Lexa’s not waking up. We need her.” Clarke gave Abby a quick hug and a reassuring smile, then she faced Indra. “Let’s do this.”

Indra nodded to the old Indian man who came forward and started preparing the potion.

**Back at Clarke’s apartment**

In an instant, Lexa enveloped Clarke in a tight hug. “I knew I wasn’t crazy.” She whispered in Clarke’s ear.

Clarke placed her hands on Lexa’s face as if she couldn’t believe that she was standing there in front of her. Then she roughly pulled her for a kiss. “You were shot.” She said after.

“I remember.”

“And you wouldn’t wake up. We tried everything.” Clarke’s eyes were starting to water. “I didn’t know what to do.”

“I’m sorry.”

Clarke couldn’t help but kiss Lexa again, this time more gently.                                   

They stared into each other’s eyes longingly when they pulled apart, hands clasped together.

“We have to get out of here.” Clarke said as she stood up and opened the window. Her apartment was in the 12th floor. “We have to jump.”

“What?” Lexa exclaimed as she pulled her hand away from Clarke.  

Clarke explained what the old Indian man told them.

“That sounds insane.” Lexa said as she slowly stood up and backed away from the window. “How do I know you’re not as crazy as I am?”

“You have to trust me.” Clarke said as she held out her hand to Lexa.

Lexa stood frozen.

“Your people need you.”

Lexa remained unmoving.

“This is the only way if you want to return.”

Lexa finally moved but only to turn her back and run out.

Clarke looked on in surprise. She did not expect this reaction. Hearing another door slammed, she knew that Lexa went back to her own apartment. She followed and found the door unlocked. She found Lexa, crouched in the bathtub, looking frightened. 

She kneeled at the side and gently rubbed Lexa’s arm. “It’s okay.”

“What if you’re wrong?” Lexa asked. “What if this is the real world and not the one in your paintings and in my dreams?”

“It’s not. Nothing here is real. It’s all in your mind.”

“I don’t want to die.” Lexa said as she trembled.

“Think of it as the way to get back to Polis, to your people, to the Natblida.”

Lexa blinked at the mention of Nightbloods.

“They are preparing the Conclave.” Clarke added.

“Aden…” Lexa whispered.

“They can only wait for so long before they need a new Commander.”

Lexa stared ahead, breathing rapidly.

“There is a war brewing and only you can stop it.” Clarke moved to a different topic. “They will slaughter Skaikru.”

“Is that why you came here, Clarke? For your people?” Lexa asked as she finally faced Clarke.

“I came here for you.”

“You want me to die.”

“I want you to live.”                                               

“I’m sorry. I can’t do this. This is just too crazy of a tale to believe.”

Clarke stood up. “I don’t blame you for wanting to stay. All your life you had to fight and carry the weight of your people on your shoulder. It must have been tiring.” Clarke said as she looked around. “This is… this bathroom is even nicer than most of the rooms in Polis or Arkadia.” She wanted to shake Lexa to her senses. But she has given so much already. She deserved this life, a quiet one, a safe one. Who is she to pull her back to their violent and dangerous world? “Take care of yourself, Lexa.”

Lexa looked up to where Clarke was standing. “Where are you going?”

Clarke smiled at Lexa for a brief second, her eyes betraying the sadness she felt. With a slight nod, she left.

Lexa didn’t move until she felt her body on fire. She scrambled and ran back to Clarke’s apartment just in time to see her climb the window. “It doesn’t have to be like this.” She shouted. “You can stay here with me.”

“Turn your back, Lexa.”

“Don’t do this.” Lexa cried out.

“Turn your back.”

With tears streaming down her face, Lexa turned away.

“I love you.” Clarke whispered then she jumped.

Lexa looked back at the empty room.  


	7. Waking up in Polis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke returned back to Polis.  
> Is Lexa not far behind or would she rather stay in her world?

Clarke opened her eyes. She was back in Polis. The candle lit room in direct contrast with the bright and sunny world she just left. Without as much as a look at Lexa, Clarke stood up and startled everyone in the room.

Abby rushed to her.

“Are you okay?” Abby asked as she ran her hands around Clarke’s face, feeling for her temperature. “You’ve been sitting there for almost an entire day”

“I’m fine, Mom.” Clarke answered in irritation as she tried to get away from Abby only to be blocked by Indra.

“She is not awake.” Indra stated.

“I am well aware of that.” Clarke tried to walk around Indra, only to be grabbed by her arm.

“Tell me.”

“She’s…” Clarke hesitated as she remembered looking at Lexa’s frightened face and her irritation fell away. “There’s something…” She hesitated once more. Her people looked up to Lexa. She’s not the one to change that. “I did not find her.” She said instead.

Indra looked at her suspiciously but she released her grip on Clarke’s arm. 

Clarke knew that her answer was not good enough. She was just grateful that no one is forcing her to say more at this time. She was almost at the door when suddenly the room erupted in murmurs. Heda was called out by several people.

At the corner of her eyes, she saw her mother and Indra rushing towards the bed. Her heart suddenly beating erratically, she felt dizzy as she held on to the door. There were only two reasons why the room would react like that.

“Clarke.” There was no mistaking that voice, no matter how faint it was.

Slowly, Clarke turned around. And there was Lexa awake, barely able to keep herself awake, yet trying to look at her directly, reaching out for her. In that instant, all of Clarke’s pain and disappointment faded away. She ran towards Lexa.

“I’m sorry.” Lexa whispered when Clarke was in earshot.

“Don’t be. You’re here.” Clarke whispered back. Ignoring everyone around then, Clarke leaned down and gently kissed Lexa on her forehead, then on her nose, and then on her lips. Indra and the guards did not even flinch but Abby let out a surprised gasp. Clarke glanced at her mom and smiled apologetically before turning her attention back to Lexa.

It took a few weeks before Lexa was back on her feet. She and Clarke were standing on one of the terraces in tower, overlooking Polis. They were standing quietly side by side.

“Don’t you sometimes think about that other world?” Lexa broke the silence.

Clarke looked at Lexa in surprise. Ever since she woke up, Lexa refused to talk about what happened. Any attempts that Clarke made were ignored. “Sometimes.” Clarke answered truthfully.

“I think about it all the time.” Lexa paused as she took a deep breathe. “I think about how I almost did not return here because I was a coward.”

“Don’t do this to yourself, Lexa.” Clarke begged. “It is understandable. You didn’t know what was real and what was not. I probably looked crazy asking you to jump to your death with me.”

“But I am the Commander, I should know ---”

“Not in that world.” Clarke did not let Lexa complete what she was saying. “You were just a girl, living a simple and normal life. And you did come back here regardless of how you felt. But even if you didn’t, I would have understood. Maybe I’ll be a little angry, a little sad, but I would have understood.”

Lexa breathed sigh of relief but she did not respond. Instead she just stared at the city below her.

After a few minutes of silence, Clarke spoke up. “So what made you change your mind?”

“You. It was you who made me change my mind.” Lexa answered as she turned sideways and faced Clarke. “Indra told me that I woke up minutes after you did.”

“That’s true.”

“It didn’t happen that fast for me.”

**Dreamworld**

Lexa ran to the window. There was nothing. No Clarke. No body. People were going around their business as if nothing happened. Now she was sure she was losing her mind. Did she just imagine what happened? A rustling sound alerted her of someone in the bedroom. Slowly, she padded towards it and opened the door.

Clarke shrieked in surprise when she saw Lexa by the door. “Oh my God, Lexa. Don’t ever do that again.”

Lexa looked on in shock as her eyes followed Clarke move around the room.

“This place is so messy.” Clarke complained. “I don’t even remember why I have all this stuff.” She then walked out into the living room and saw the candle and DVDs scattered in the coffee table. “You started without me.” She then bounced to the sofa and started reading the titles. “Aren’t we a little pessimistic, what’s up with this movies?”

“What do you mean? Those are fun movies.” Lexa answered automatically.  

Clarke laughed. “Okay. I think our idea of fun is a little bit different.”

Lexa head’s started throbbing. She felt like she was going a little crazy. And this Clarke in front of her seems different. She had to get away and think. “Sorry, I have this terrible headache. I think I better just sleep it off.”

“Really?” Clarke raised her eyebrow at Lexa. “Second time in a row, you’ve bailed out on me.”

“I’ll make it up to you.” Lexa promised as she walked out of the apartment and went downstairs. She had to see for herself. She went directly below Clarke’s window. She looked all over and there was nothing in the street. She was about to go in when she saw a braid of blonde hair near the entrance. She grabbed it and held on to it tightly as went back to her apartment. She lay down in bed for what it turned out to be a sleepless night.

Around 9 AM, banging sounds led Lexa to the hallway outside her apartment. She found Clarke hauling out paintings into a big box.

“What are you doing?” Lexa asked.

“I’m just throwing away these paintings. They’re rubbish.”

Lexa peeked into the box and saw that these paintings were the ones of the Commander, the Grounders, the Skaikru. “I thought you love these ones?”

“I don’t even know why I painted them.” Clarke answered as she added more into the box. “They are really a waste of space.”

“Don’t they mean something to you?”

Clarke peered closely at the painting she was currently holding and then shook her head. “Maybe they once did before but I outgrew them.” She shrugged. “Hey you still owe me. How about lunch?”

“Sure.” Lexa absentmindedly answered as she saw the painting where the Commander and Clarke first met. She walked over and picked up the painting. “Can I have this?”

Clarke looked at her and the painting. “Go ahead.”

Lexa went back into her apartment but not before one backward glance at the rest of the paintings. She laid once more in her bed clutching the painting in her arms.

Around noon, Clarke knocked on her door and demanded that it’s time for lunch. Still wearing the same clothes as last night, Lexa went out with Clarke. They went to a nearby restaurant and ordered some food which Lexa doesn’t even remember what as she swallowed it. She looked at Clarke who was gabbing away, not really understanding what she was saying. Then she stared at the window on her side as she recalled what happened in Polis Roan delivered Clarke to her. Dirty, angry Clarke who hissed and spit at her.  

“Lexa?” Clarke called out to her. “Am I boring you?”

Lexa stared at Clarke, this Clarke who is sitting in front of her with hair all nicely done, freshly scrubbed face, no marks or bruises but without the spirit and heart that she knew. “You’re her in all appearances but you’re not her.” Lexa said as she stood up. “And this,” she waved her arm around. “This is not real. I cannot stay here.”

“Don’t be so melodramatic.” Clarke said as she continued eating, sounding annoyed. “If you want to leave, just go.”

Without a backward glance, Lexa half ran, half walked back to her apartment. She knew what she had to do. It was what her entire being was telling her to do.

**Polis**

“So I jumped.” Lexa concluded her story.

“Because the other me annoyed you?” Clarke teased. “Remind me to never talk too much in front of you or take a bath.”

Lexa let out a laugh, her first one in weeks.

Clarke reached out and took Lexa’s hands between hers. “I wanted so much to stay with you but I couldn’t. Because…” Clarke trailed off.

“Your people, I know.”

Clarke’s eyes started to water. “I was afraid that I’d never see you alive again, that you’d just be a memory. Sorry, I had to leave you.” Clarke broke down and started crying.

“And I… I am sorry that I didn’t go with you.” Lexa answered back as she wiped the tears that were streaming down Clarke’s face. “But it doesn’t matter anymore because we’re both here.”

It was almost sundown when Indra came up to look for the Commander. The ambassador from one of the clans just arrived and requested for an audience with Heda but after seeing them standing quietly side by side, looking onto the horizon, and holding each other’s hand, Indra decided that it can wait until tomorrow.   

 

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a wrap on this story. Hopefully you all enjoyed it. 
> 
> I would love to work on consistency between the chapters. I find my chapter's mood differs depending on my mood when I write them. Sometimes it light, sometimes not too much. :)
> 
> Would love to get feedback!!! Did you like the story? Did you like the ending? Would you have preferred something different?

**Author's Note:**

> First time posting in here and hoping to get feedback. 
> 
> Is this interesting enough to continue? Well I'll probably continue but interesting enough to publish the next chapters?


End file.
